You may have a therapist who will ask you this, whether in group therapy or individual therapy.

The idea is that what you feel towards your therapist will be related to the other issues you’re working on.

How does that work?

Let’s say you just had a date with a new guy and it went well. You want to tell your therapist about it but something makes you hesitant.

Your therapist senses this and asks what you’re feeling toward him.

Nothing, you think at first. Then you get in touch with more.

Nervous. Anxious. You might say something that will ruin my memory of this date.

You’ll tell me I’m naive, ungrounded, irrational. And if I told you this, you’d be hurt, think I was mean.

You don’t want to hurt your therapist’s feelings (we are very fragile!) and you also don’t want to tell him about your date lest he burst your balloon about it.

Most likely, this dynamic shows up all over your life.

Probably even on the date, there were great moments, and other moments where you didn’t want to hurt the guy’s feelings and be mean, so you kept quiet. You don’t even like thinking about these moments because you don’t want to be mean in your mind. So you focus on the positives.

This actually does make you a bit ungrounded, irrational and naive.

The more you find the courage to share these thoughts and feelings, the more grounded you become.

Group therapy is the ideal place to cultivate this courage.